Doing Kingdom Business

Replacing Darkness with Light

Berphy and I married, bought a house, and welcomed our son Eli and our daughter Blake into the world. Just after Eli was born, I was diagnosed with advanced stage kidney cancer and given a very unfavorable prognosis. Initially, the diagnosis was collecting duct carcinoma (CDC). Almost everyone diagnosed with this cancer does not survive two years. A second opinion from one of the world’s leading cancer centers said it was not CDC; it was just something they had never seen before. I endured five major surgeries. The third surgery came weeks after our daughter Blake was born, and the fourth surgery came just before Blake turned one year old. I lost a kidney, thirty-two lymph nodes, 15% of my liver, 75% of the right side of my diaphragm, a section of my abdomen wall, a section of my large intestine, and my gallbladder. 

Berphy was very supportive. Her intuition and knowledge of medicine has been a tremendous advantage for us in our battle against cancer. However, while I was in the hospital recovering from my cancer surgeries, I had to spend much of that time in isolation due to COVID-19 restrictions. I was weak and vulnerable, and the enemy came knocking. I began to get serious about spending time with Jesus, learning the Scriptures so that I could effectively resist the lies the enemy was using to destroy me. 

Demonic energies prey upon the vulnerable. As I lay awake at night alone in the hospital, toxic thoughts would swirl in my mind: I hope my children will remember me when I am gone. I hope they will understand how much I love them. I hope my wife will be able to support them when I am gone. Dark energies are like swarming flies, but they usually leave when the trash is hauled off. 

I would close my eyes and remember Philippians 2:10, which reminds us that evil must bow down to the God of goodness. I would ask God to show me the lies I was believing. He gave me an image of me walking on the water with Jesus, and then falling under water as I lost my trust in Him. Then, He reached down to pull me out of water and bring me to safety, just as Jesus did with Peter. It was a wonderful reminder to place my trust in God, to grab hold of His hand and never let go. I had been deceived into thinking that I couldn’t trust God with my life and with my family’s lives. When God replaced that lie with the truth through the image of walking on water, my fear was replaced with faith in God. God hauled off the trash that was present in my mind. Dark energies started to lose their grip on me. 

Partners with God

I have learned God doesn’t want us to try and bear the trials of the world on our own. When life gives us way more than we feel we can handle, God wants us to turn to Him, and He will give our hearts exactly what they need to overcome the darkness. The truth is, God will often allow way more than you want to handle to come into your life. Overwhelming suffering doesn’t ask if you’re ready. It may come slow, or it may come with a vengeance. It doesn’t ask permission, and it doesn’t care about convenience. There is never a good time for your life to be wrecked, the important thing to remember is to resist turning inward, trying to carry the weight of it all on your own. The entire Bible and Freedom Prayer Ministry points us Godward, to the only place that our hearts can receive exactly what we need to overcome whatever our fallen world throws our way. 

God doesn’t cause bad things to happen to us. Overwhelming suffering will come our way because we live in a broken, fallen world filled with broken and hurting people. However, God can use these hard times and struggles for good. God is fully aware of our suffering. He sees us, He loves us, and He’s waiting for us to call on His name. That is what Freedom Prayer is designed to do, to get you to God. And I promise you this, if you do turn to God, you will come out on the other side of your adversity way better than you went in. When our strength fails under the crushing weight of our suffering, our salvation does not depend on our ability to handle the situation. We must have faith in God. Isaiah 40:29 says, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Our power to thrive in adversity comes from God, and it comes to those who have faith in Him. 

Trials come in all shapes and sizes, but they don’t come to show us how much we can take on our own. They don’t come to show us that we have it all together. When hard times come, it is important to recognize that we don’t have what it takes to endure great suffering. God will allow us to go through more than we want to handle. But our suffering is never more than He can handle. Our strength comes from our faith in Him. 

Draw Near to God and He will Draw Near to You

It is important that we recognize that God will often allow us to experience overwhelming situations. But the purpose is for us to get closer to Him. The closer we get to God, the more we will become like Him. The purpose of pain is to shape us into who God created us to be. If life were always perfect, there would be no need for us to seek God. We would have no need for a relationship with Him. We are partners with God. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have to study, work, pray and think hard. But it does mean that, in the end, our resilience comes down to trusting in God and going to Him to receive precisely what our heart needs to face whatever is in front of us. 

After much time in prayer, I have concluded that God is not responsible for my misery. He is always with me to guide me towards restoration. Freedom Prayer Ministry taught me God is good. If something in life feels abundant and free, then it is probably God’s will. If something feels like stealing, killing, or destroying, it is probably from Satan. Satan has free will, and he uses it to do evil, but it is God that brings out the good in the bad choices that resulted from our freedom to choose.

I began to trust God to work through my adversity, and I gave Him my undivided attention. I would ask Him questions and then wait for Him to speak truth to the deepest part of myself. I learned that our faith in God will feed us supernatural strength to overcome any trials this fallen world may throw our way. We all struggle with our own unique adversities. Most of the time, they are hidden deep down inside, and when exposed, God unravels the darkness quickly. It is our responsibility to work with God to pull the loose thread of what is binding each of us. Freedom Prayer showed me how God can take one seemingly random loose thread and unravel a lifetime of hurts and pain.

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